Saturday, 11 August 2012
Saturday, 4 August 2012
IRISH CALLINA STORY
IRISH CALLINA STORY
To me there is nothing wrong with your desire to get married to someone who is also gay or lesbian, maybe have kids together, and yet both remain in the closet. This is nothing new. It is definitely not cowardly or somehow not being true to yourself. It is very considerate for you to want to find someone who understands what you're going through and shares your view that having desires for the same sex is normal. That's just cool!
To just say that everyone should blindly come out of the closet to everyone is not smart, and is potentially dangerous particularly for those people for whom career, family, livelihood, safety, security, social status, religious support, living situation, desire for children and marriage, and future goals are very real considerations. The reasons to stay in the closet are endless. This is particularly true for people who are at least a little bit bisexual and have desires that can fluctuate as you get older. If you come out of the closet and are not 100% gay, then it could be a problem later. It's like your sexual orientation, if different than hetero, is your new identity to everyone else once you come out of the closet. That's just the sad reality for so many people. Once someone comes out of the closet it is especially difficult to put it behind them if their desires fluctuated later. It's not like just moving away to somewhere new and starting over. Doesn't work that way.
So my opinion is for anyone wanting to live a closeted life and yet still get married, that's fine as long as the other person knows and is okay with it. A lesbian woman and gay man getting together to enjoy marriage and children and happiness together is perfect to me. To me it's perfectly safe and sound for a gay man and lesbian woman to meet, marry and have kids. Crazy as it may sound, there's a chance you could have a great life together and wind up falling in love!
My wife and I are both attracted to members of the same sex. Neither of us want to be "out" because of numerous reasons. For us, it's been a win-win situation and we've fallen much more deeply in love in the years we've been together. We still have occasional desires to get out and meet others but we haven't in a long time now. Maybe we will in the future more, but right now we're having too much fun as a couple. I will say that it's still really cool and gives us a good laugh (and good loving later!) when we're out in public and catch the other one staring at some good looking guy or girl. I can't describe how reassuring, comforting, self-revealing, and even a bit sexy when spouses know about each other and can both understand and accept the desires they both have. I won't bore you with my situation and I only bring it up because I wanted you to know that there are others out there like you! We have a new (little) blog about our life if anyone is interested in reading about others in this situation.
So my advice for what it's worth is for you to stay in the closet for now. See if you can find someone who shares your views for the future. See where things wind up going! Have fun along the way. Life is not meant to be endured, but enjoyed!
To me there is nothing wrong with your desire to get married to someone who is also gay or lesbian, maybe have kids together, and yet both remain in the closet. This is nothing new. It is definitely not cowardly or somehow not being true to yourself. It is very considerate for you to want to find someone who understands what you're going through and shares your view that having desires for the same sex is normal. That's just cool!
To just say that everyone should blindly come out of the closet to everyone is not smart, and is potentially dangerous particularly for those people for whom career, family, livelihood, safety, security, social status, religious support, living situation, desire for children and marriage, and future goals are very real considerations. The reasons to stay in the closet are endless. This is particularly true for people who are at least a little bit bisexual and have desires that can fluctuate as you get older. If you come out of the closet and are not 100% gay, then it could be a problem later. It's like your sexual orientation, if different than hetero, is your new identity to everyone else once you come out of the closet. That's just the sad reality for so many people. Once someone comes out of the closet it is especially difficult to put it behind them if their desires fluctuated later. It's not like just moving away to somewhere new and starting over. Doesn't work that way.
So my opinion is for anyone wanting to live a closeted life and yet still get married, that's fine as long as the other person knows and is okay with it. A lesbian woman and gay man getting together to enjoy marriage and children and happiness together is perfect to me. To me it's perfectly safe and sound for a gay man and lesbian woman to meet, marry and have kids. Crazy as it may sound, there's a chance you could have a great life together and wind up falling in love!
My wife and I are both attracted to members of the same sex. Neither of us want to be "out" because of numerous reasons. For us, it's been a win-win situation and we've fallen much more deeply in love in the years we've been together. We still have occasional desires to get out and meet others but we haven't in a long time now. Maybe we will in the future more, but right now we're having too much fun as a couple. I will say that it's still really cool and gives us a good laugh (and good loving later!) when we're out in public and catch the other one staring at some good looking guy or girl. I can't describe how reassuring, comforting, self-revealing, and even a bit sexy when spouses know about each other and can both understand and accept the desires they both have. I won't bore you with my situation and I only bring it up because I wanted you to know that there are others out there like you! We have a new (little) blog about our life if anyone is interested in reading about others in this situation.
So my advice for what it's worth is for you to stay in the closet for now. See if you can find someone who shares your views for the future. See where things wind up going! Have fun along the way. Life is not meant to be endured, but enjoyed!
Some Definition MOC :)
A marriage of convenience (plural marriages of convenience) is a marriage
contracted for reasons other than the reasons of relationship, family,
or love. Instead, such a marriage is orchestrated for personal gain or
some other sort of strategic purpose, such as political marriage. The
phrase is a calque of French: mariage de convenance - a marriage of convention, or marriage of suitability. In the cases when it represents a fraud, it is called sham marriage.(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marriage_of_convenience,2012)
A lavender marriage is a type of male-female marriage of convenience in which the couple are not both heterosexual and conceal the homosexual or bisexual orientation of one or both spouses. In gay slang, the spouse whose presence conceals the other's sexual orientation is referred to as a "beard". (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lavender_marriage, 2012)
A lavender marriage is a type of male-female marriage of convenience in which the couple are not both heterosexual and conceal the homosexual or bisexual orientation of one or both spouses. In gay slang, the spouse whose presence conceals the other's sexual orientation is referred to as a "beard". (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lavender_marriage, 2012)
Monday, 30 July 2012
ALL ABOUT ME - NELSON
Hii,
Simple intro. about myself. I am a gay man. Age 27. Chinese. Living in Malaysia (state- Selangor). I been thinking about my future a lot. Imagining the family and future that i would like to have. Going out of the closet is definitely not the choice that i will choose. This is because i do not think it is a need of my parent to bear this with me (possibility discrimination from relative) or me myself getting a different view from my friend/group. Most important, i personally would like to have a family (man and women) and have my own kids.
SO. What the best way to get rite of all the issues and will also fulfill my own need (marriage and kids)? It is marriage between gay and lesbian.
I personally think that this is a perfect relation. We could solve our community pressure, have own family and kids, and also both of us can become best friend (as we understand each other more than anyone out there). You can have your lesbian partner, but try to be the permanent one. We should not effect the family that we had built due to our private life. And definitely do allocate time for our family.
If you think u have the same thinking as mine. We may get to know each other more before get along. :).
You can also contact me at
1) read_file@hotmail.com
2) facebook username - nelson moc (profile pic nelson).
Simple intro. about myself. I am a gay man. Age 27. Chinese. Living in Malaysia (state- Selangor). I been thinking about my future a lot. Imagining the family and future that i would like to have. Going out of the closet is definitely not the choice that i will choose. This is because i do not think it is a need of my parent to bear this with me (possibility discrimination from relative) or me myself getting a different view from my friend/group. Most important, i personally would like to have a family (man and women) and have my own kids.
SO. What the best way to get rite of all the issues and will also fulfill my own need (marriage and kids)? It is marriage between gay and lesbian.
I personally think that this is a perfect relation. We could solve our community pressure, have own family and kids, and also both of us can become best friend (as we understand each other more than anyone out there). You can have your lesbian partner, but try to be the permanent one. We should not effect the family that we had built due to our private life. And definitely do allocate time for our family.
If you think u have the same thinking as mine. We may get to know each other more before get along. :).
You can also contact me at
1) read_file@hotmail.com
2) facebook username - nelson moc (profile pic nelson).
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